Thursday, December 07, 2006
today i realized how immature i still am
as in, i always tought i knew quite alot of what life is abt, n how t treat others, react to situations, control my emotions.
but i guess God showed me how wrong i was tru dis trail.
dis past 2 weeks have been definitely the biggest trail i had so far as a christian. the fareast competition was a small one. n the relationship was such a huge 1. n really let me mature a whole lot.
i wish i could say im mature enough to handle a relationship, but i honestly am not. so im not gona lie to myself =P
dis trail just made me rely totally on God. cuz i hav no idea wad im doing. seriosly. but i noe God works trough my weakness. just like mark hall just now. i have totally 0% faith in my abilities or knowledge. but because i totally cant do it myself, i have to rely 100% on God. its times like this i feel so stupid to backslide. stupid that ive wasted so much time doing nonsense while ders so much of the Lords work to do.
n i realizd this whole thing was so carefully planned out, and so perfectly to hit me. at the end of this 2 weeks, God shows me that He really is in control, and should be for anything to be right. i din follow His orders, thats why things screwd up. but through all the pain, He pulled out something wonderful from it, me getting back to Him. n i feel great
ok, abt other stuff.. dis boty camp, i really got closer to every one of the guys. seriosly, this camp bonded us. it feels great being wid kyensai man. im sure tml will be great, HAPPY BDAY DWAYNE!! we will make u real happy tml =P looking forward to a real gd time of fellowship.
i also just realizd how freakin impt it is to hav a bunch of closeclose believers as friends. i have no idea wad ill do w/o dese guys =)
the songs from cc just touch my heart so much. haha anw dis was what YH said, 5 reasons why nonbelievers do not want to trust in God. but he only rmbr 3 . LOL
1) lifes FINE so far the way it is, i like it, and i dont need any changes.
2) why give my life to something i cant see or touch, n something im not even sure exists?
3) theres so many other things going on in my life, so many things im busy with, im not sure i can commit to this.
