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Thursday, July 12, 2007
Finally found the time to blog. Okay, actually have tok due tommorow, but i think i can fork out some time tml to complete it.
Well, these past week has been so insanely busy! For once i am unable to slack AT ALL - no tv, no com games, no staying back in school for fun, no comics, hardly any msn =(
But its fine, im doing what i love, n i feel great doing it.
Okay to whats important, what God did yesterday.
Wednesday
I was Late coming IC for wednesday, but decided to go FireAc for awhile, and boy i was glad i did- Kenneth asked those who really wanted to be on the front lines for God to stand, and it really made me think what i was willing to do. On the stop i really had the urge to do it, so i did. But unfortunately, i had to run off or duty soon after.
Anyway during the day, it kind of went on like a normal one, when suddenly, i very clearly heard God say to me, during some lesson
- Are you living for Me or not?
His reason for doing so is very simple. For quite a long time already, i would think im doing enough for God, living quite a good example of a christian life, praying quite alot, ministering often, occasionally sharing, but sometimes distracted by wordly things, only coming back to God after.
God was tired of the way i lived, giving a 80% or 90%. Living so passionately for Him sometimes, but distracted probably just as often. He was so tired of it, He wanted me to make a choice - Are you living for Me or not?- He wanted nothing or everything from me.
Okay, of course im not gona give up n give nothing, but it bugged me the entire day. and for the FIRST time, when keeping what He said to me in mind every second of the day, I realized how much ive fallen short of 100%, that i so often havent been thinking, acting, talking like a 100% passionate christian. It was like He was just so clearly identifying to me what i have to correct.
I felt really guilty of how much ive screwed up and not given to God, but yet that sense of joy that i would change so much from this experience. I can say now that the difference between living 90% to 100% as a Christian is like fivefold, tenfold in effectiveness ( for the lack of a better word ) for God.
I simply havent felt so much like a christian before. this is TRUELY 100%. i have handed everything over to Him on wednesday. Every second Im with Him, every thought goes through Him first. I totally dont want any less than this from now on.
Anw, i know God gave me this spiritual growth spurt cuz i wanted it. Cuz to go and reach out to people, i need a rock hard foundation, and a pure and burning heart for God. Am i ready? i dont know. yes im scared, but im not gonna let that stop me anymore.
Wednesday before my weekly breaking session i got wesley to come with me, and thank God, got to share abit with him. And wesley if you are reading this, you are one of the very few people who do not fail to bring me joy every single time i see you, and u totally rock. I love you, but Jesus loves you more. and no matter what u think, that this is just a religion, an idea, God IS there. There is so much evidence, and so much experience of Him that has been given to me that i cannot deny it. and i just want to share with you how much more there is to life! that there is so much more meaning i have found besides such superficial things like School, Girls, and even friends, and i just pray u will get to experience God again. But yeah, im not gona be an idiot and pressure you like crazy, im just doing this cuz you are a great friend of mine.
