Thursday, September 27, 2007
wow ive actually been blogging quite regularly lately, but mostly just random stuff. so ill actually post properly today.
1st the average everyday stuff. okay, umbrella duty! i love umbrella duty. running around bare foot with pants folded up, jumping into puddles, but more importantly having a chance to help others. yes it sounds horribly politically correct, but ive searched myself and i actually am genuinely happy with helping others lol. so me and bobbie took the nicest spot, at the opposite busstop where we ferried people and got wet. what a nice way to start the day (:
the rest of the day was just obscenely slack, having a 2 hour break somewhere in the middle, where i just spent studying with wesley in his class (if he really studied)and looking at the 4.12 peeps doing retarded stuff which always cracks me up. chem was boring as usual but i entertained myself so well! i made like this mini motion picture in my calculator with nothing but digits 1 and 0. it shows a deep sea expedition with sea monsters and missiles and explosions and shit.
okay, now the stuff that actually matters to me i guess. From the start of the day i was really convicted in showing more love to everyone and a genuine one. and it makes me happy too of course. but its exhausive and i went back to forgetting my spiritual plan for the school day, as usual due to the distractive hustle and bustle of school life. Ended the day feeling really sian, which is my usual feeling when i go home alone at 4.40pm (not used to the early timing)
On the day home it was just great. prayed quite alot and God really showed me things and helped me grow. things like realizing what it really means to give up and area of my life to him, and i realized i have areas i never realized i was still keeping. still concerned about how to bboy with a purpose. and realizing more what it means to live to glorify God besides it being the "correct" thing to say and do. It means making God look bigger better and more loving to others as how i realized it today. hmm what else, oh yea, learnt abit more about what love is and how it works.
Learning that love is a verb is not enough, yesterday i understood love was a desire for the good of others, giving others your time, giving a smile to make someone happy. Whatever nice things we do for others or big sacrifices, it wouldn't mean much to God if it wasn't out of a desire for good for others and to make God look good.
I realized that my past attitudes towards liking a girl wasnt love at all, possibly the opposite of it- where i want something instead of wanting to give something, and all that i give is in hope of wanting somethings back. haha, cool how much we can learn in a day.
Oh yeah! one more thing i thought of just awhile ago. Ive had this desire to grow and mature quickly for quite some time now, and i realized how pointless it would be if there wasn't God. If there wasn't God, there wouldn't be a point in improving myself to make others happy. i would just live self centredly since there would be no meaning in life beyond our few years of existing (not living, existing, like rocks and animals do) hmm thats all for today den
