cricketsbounce

2010-02-21T11:36:00.002+08:00

Started taking life as a one way road this year,

i guess i reached a dilemma between giving up all of the things i used to do, like breaking and all, just pursuing a life chasing God.

till I read more, and realised God forms all of us in a certain way, with certain strengths, and different talents, that when in that moment of doing, one feels the most alive, the most fulfilled. Just as birds fly, cheetahs chase, fish swim, we all have our own way of glorifying God, in our greatest strength.

and looking back at my life, i realised the times when i felt the most fulfilled and alive was when i dance, breakdance, and accomplished something by leading a team of positive energy. I realised this in fact was the way i was formed, and theres no way i should give breaking up.

I had to lose my passion, idolatry, ambition towards breaking to find out the true attitude i was supposed to have for it. One without ambition, without burden, but just done in a form of enjoyment, in the form of worship, and in true passion.

and now i enjoy it more than ever, and doing it better than ever (:

2010-01-16T17:27:00.002+08:00

Hope is such a precious thing
without it, there is no strength or motivation in our lives,
or the point of going on.

Hoping in the wrong things on the other hand is self decieving,
and when those things let us down, hope is destroyed even more

But my hope is in the Lord
and is on that foundation of rock
and it shall never be shaken

2009-12-27T12:04:00.003+08:00

i was told to search myself, and i did a little.

no more wallowing in self pity for my circumstances,
no more treating others with contentment because of how they treat me.
no more being thrown around by my emotions, by my flesh.

I have said these things to YOU that by means of me YOU may have peace. In the world YOU are having tribulation, but take courage! I have conquered the world.” - John 16:33

what do we have to fear
i can shape my surroundings, they shall not shape me.
my resolve for 2010
Merry Christmas, and happy new year (:

2009-12-25T11:26:00.002+08:00

its the end of the year again, and another year in army
its time to stop acting like a kid, and live like a man

a time like this is when im not sure what the future holds,
and unsure about the happenings tomorrow.
But God holds all my days, and ill leave it as that and not worry

2010, i will grow up, i resolve to.

2009-06-29T15:02:00.002+08:00

its been 7 months into 2009, 7 months into army life.

nothing has been particularly difficult or painful, but life has become stale.
little enthusiasm arises from me, little meaning or magic seems to appear.
of course attributed to my lack of focus.
its just been passing time and trying to have as much fun as possible at the same time

i seem to have lost the heartfelt motives i had in everyday, and i just pray to be really living again.

2009-05-17T16:15:00.003+08:00

Havent posted in awhile

Life has been as usual. NS is NS, what can one expect (:
but it hasnt really been the circumstances in there that has been bugging me
its been the climate of negative attitudes and bad influence that has been.
And of course my own spiritual health when i dont keep it in check.

Still i have been learning many lessons and growing much, thanks to the grace of God that has been holding me down and not allowing me to run to far, as well as the influence of my wonderful girlfriend.

Oh yeah every bookout has been awesome (:

2009-04-05T15:34:00.002+08:00

Long time since my last update, so here goes (:

Life has been really great since BMT ended.
The end of life in zulu, where we had avg 1/2 hour admin time, hardcore discipline and so on.
Hardly time to breathe and reflect or anything of that sort, it was just flowing through 9 weeks.

But life is really different now, and its a real blessing to be in armour.
The pay, accommodation, prestige, respect one gets out of it is definitely nothing compared to going to ocs, but i so enjoy the amount of time i have, to read, to call, to do my qt, and basically manage my life once again. The greatest blessing is being able to experience God now regularly everynight. The chance to live life to the max, even in army, something i cannot do in ocs due to the lack of time to manage myself.

Plus the time out of camp with you is well cherished too (:

2009-03-07T15:35:00.002+08:00

Coldplay - The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you Im sorry
You dont know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Im going back to the start

My favourite song, and i only really looked at the lyrics recently, to realize its about God. I have listened to this song at least 500 times but yet strangely never got tired of it.

And i really think it speaks to me as well as many other Christians who go round and round with their relationship with God, failing time and time again, to go back to where we started.

Doing the same thing right now, struggling with my circumstances and wishing (desperately) things would turn out the way i want them, hoping God would change things to my desires. My 2 years depend on this.

On a happier note
Thank you sharyl for always being my unending support and joy.

2009-02-08T08:32:00.003+08:00

Havent posted since i enlisted into the army.
And it has been quite an experience and quite a struggle for me.

I think i can sum up my days in army in 2 sentences
Its not the training thats hard to go through
But keeping close to God and accepting all circumstances

Im so blessed to have good platoon mates and commanders
and an enormous support from mainland that pulls me through each day and reminds me of whats important each night. Thank you girl (:

I havent really learned to balance my life yet in army, how to spend my book out time, admin time, how to pray in camp. Im sorry to all the friends who i have pang sehd on weekends, i have skipped a million outings, im learning to balance my army life first.

Field camp is next week, next entry on 20th or 21st Feb..

2009-01-08T08:39:00.003+08:00

Moments are something we do not get often. Point in time where you feel such strong, surreal emotions, stand in the most beautiful surroundings, and they seem out of this world.

Running with God, my in-ears, and you. In bursts of speed and excitement, through the most beautiful neighborhood of green. Turning to see your smile seems to surge me on, and we do. Dash and race off as the traffic light signals, jumping over benches and rocks like children. Talking to God, praising Him for it seems this is the closest i will feel to heaven down here. finally into a field, into a sunset away from the city where we sat down in the middle of nowhere and stared at Him.

The 5k felt like floating.

That already felt like the last day, and i thank God i have one more. Army awaits!

2009-01-07T08:00:00.007+08:00

Result taking was okay. Wasnt as nervous as most and was very happy with my 39.
Strangely enough this result didnt mean much to me, even tough it was 2 years of work. Meant even more taking back my art work in a black garbage bag and lugging it home like a dead body.

As much as i like to think i have grown, it has shown that there is still the worst in me that still appears in the right circumstances. and if i cant live right just 1 day seeing everyone again, what about 2 years in army.

as much as other things bring out the worse in me, or i choose to let them thank you for bringing out my best, and making me believe that i can live better (:

2009-01-06T07:53:00.004+08:00

This is now the coolest tv moment.
Not so unreal after all (:

The stupidity, comfort, closeness or a scene where Amanda climbs into the bathtub with Kyle to apologize to him and let their hearts out. With Closer by Travis playing in the background. A strange, weird, scene of connection and trust

Maybe the word weird is not good enough to describe this.

astonishing, astounding, fantastic,
fantastical, incredible, marvelous,
miraculous, phenomenal, prodigious,
stupendous, unbelievable, wonderful,
wondrous, surreal, amazing,
supernatural, unbelievable, dreamy,
impossible, magical, romantic
and Godsend

And it shall continue to be
Thank You God
and thank you (:

2009-01-05T10:18:00.003+08:00

joint experiences. I have been thinking about and exposed to the feelings, cares, passions of different, very different important people in my life and attempt to empathize.

and i can hardly describe the bittersweet joint feeling of understanding. Someones confusion uncertainty, loneliness, weakness, huge bitterness. Sweet for i see how human we all are and weak, we are never alone in all of this, sweet for i know things will turn better in time for them as bitterness, hate and uncertainty subsides.

and most importantly God uses crisis for His purpose. As blind as we are, as hateful as we are, as hurt as we are of current circumstances and over whelming feelings, we shall thank God when it ends and wished for not an ounce less of pain.

in this array of thoughts cares feelings passions

its nice to have someone to smile to all the time, and not know who started it (:

Flyleaf - So i Thought

Choris Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

2009-01-03T22:58:00.002+08:00

hello
i have been completely blown away again n again
and will continue to be (:
thank you God for the awesome holidays before ns comes
i shall treasure every second

2009-01-02T14:00:00.007+08:00

The events continue and continue (:

After the most special day on the 31st, went over to dkohs for his awesome birthday party. happy birthday again dkoh!

Just came back from kelvins house again not too long ago. We had a really successful 6A new years sentosa/rockband outing.

Details aside, i really love being with these people, how many people really do still hang out and have fun with primary school class mates haha. Tks Kelvin for letting us use your place yet again, tks hasan for putting up with all the gay jokes, n tks everyone who made yesterday awesome, and putting up with my horrid voice haha.

Thank you God for giving me a good final lap of the holidays, but i have learnt not to hold on to these things. these wonderful blessings, are gifts nontherless, not the giver. Love is from God Himself, not these good things.

2009-01-01T00:16:00.001+08:00

the greatest blessings in the smallest packages (:

im learning how much a fool i am, so i can rely on His wisdom more.

Happy New Year to all, have a blessed 2009

2008-12-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

KYSC bbq turned out pretty well (:

Turned out as a bbq where people were cyphering in the middle, watching tv, eating, bbqing, playing halo. It was quite alot of people, like 16 or so, so quite a big party (:

Tks to the girls who were cooking all the way! Especially Christina who came just to cook and didnt eat. tks Jt for settling the bill. and thanks everyone who helped finish the whole bottle of tequila!

After the bbq, everyone went to the dome to hang out, talk cock, drink, break. It was quite something, the place where we spend so much of our time, filled with our friends (: Most of them left after hanging out at the dome. and some of us remained behind to play stupid games like shootshagmarry and wld you rather. my wasted brother was giving out all the worst and most random wld you rathers.

After all the fun, had some really really good talks (: and ended up sleeping at 5am in the living room on the floor cuz yh sleep on my bed LOL. Woke up at 730 to send people off and have breakfast with yh before leaving for sch picnic

Yesterday was alright, just hard to try to enjoy when i was on 2 1/2 hours of sleep lol. but tks bobbie for organizing the picnic and nat for her house rock band/mahjong session!

In a new chapter now, and it seems all in His plan to make me grow and rise from the rock bottom i hit months ago. and everytime i get close to Him, i realize again the severity of my backslide then.

I love this new chapter, this new surge of life and hope.
I see more clearly now,
So i wont turn back, and barely look back
I have no regrets
Of whats behind, and what i choose ahead

2008-12-29T16:15:00.002+08:00

The past days have just been the best (:

From the party at Kelvins, to a nice session on Saturday night with Song, Yh Weijie where i really enjoyed rocking again.

Went back to Covenant for service yesterday which was good. Michelle has funky hair now. And the service just let me remember alot of what is expected of me that i havent followed much.

Went grocery shopping with jt weijie yuanhao xinfu at night, which was so damn hilarious. spent a good 3 hours walking around slowly and buying food for the bbq today. The session was good too (:

Things feel good with the crew, the party later is so gonna rock.

2008-12-27T18:54:00.002+08:00

Finally im home alone, with nothing to do (:
The past week has been so hectic and tiring with work and outings at night, causing me to hardly have any time to just relax and stop and reflect.

Had a Fuhua Primary School gathering yesterday - the best ever. Kelvin, Hasan, Ying Zhi, Kenneth, Liuyi, Anjolene, Sharyl, Yvonne, Celestine, Cuilin were there. We went to holland v for a nice dinner where we did funny things like "hit on" the waitress, pick out a waiter for hasan, suan everyone, and still had nice conversations.

The after part was the most insane. Cabbed down to Kelvins place, and he has a freaking pool table in his living room, rock band, lots of xbox games, a huge ass tv, booze, and no parents. played a few rounds of halo with the guys which was so funny. i think the best part was when we were playing rock band high, i started with vocals, and screamed till my voice was gone. well it wasnt simply just a mad party, still actually caught up with some people (:

So all this just went on till 6am where me n sharyl ended of with deadspace. Then we just died. Woke at 8-9 to walk out for a huge macs breakfast with sharyl yvonne kelvin.

It was actually the most fun i ever had at a house party. and probably cause everyone just clicked so well and could have so much fun, even tough some of us havent talked for 6 years. 6A!!

2008-12-26T10:51:00.003+08:00

Christmas!

Was quite a good one in fact.

Worked during Christmas Eve, went for a really awesome dinner and had fun

Then went to Jaimes place with the rest of the crew to have fun, we were having a super funny cypher in his living room again. Then the rest of them had over night mahjong while i slept.

Christmas day was good. Went from jaimes early in the morning to church at living waters with kenny and ram. Which was really good, waking up to christmas reminded of what it christmas really is.

Went out at night with my brother and cousins, cassandra and carol for our super happening cousins christmas outing haha! watched bedtime stories which was a really heart warming and funny christmas show, q the best movie in quite awhile (: anw really loved the company of my cousins. At night to end christmas off, my other cousin mabel, and zoey joined at the pool side and we were totally enjoying the conversation and company. Really a good Christmas with family and friends

I set out this Christmas with the aim of remembering the true meaning of it, where it is the day God sent down the greatest gift to man kind, where our saviour came to this earth, with the purpose of paying of huge debt of sin, with the purpose of freeing us from these chains. and i guess i forgot to honour God all the better this day in the midst of all the outings and friends.

Anw something that really struck me on christmas day was meeting someone i havent met in a long while, someone who really inspired me some time ago. and i totally forgot about him for awhile. and it was strange but simply standing near him seemed to charge me with meaning and inspiration again, remembering who he was and the huggeee amount of respect i have for him. It was a good reminder to the standards that i should be living up to.

I check my soul, and nothing much has stirred.
God grants the peace and simplicity of knowing the truth

2008-12-22T12:41:00.006+08:00

joys i have missed out the past few weeks

joys that were always there

joys i appreciate fully now

it had been like a jungle of thoughts and feelings in my own head that i dont even understand, much less control, or handle

and in my seeking of simplicity
all i can do is stand apart from them as an outsider
laugh at my weakness
and surrender them to God

"experiences produced by redemption prove themselves by leading me beyond myself, to the point of no longer paying any attention to experiences as the basis of reality"

2008-12-21T13:12:00.003+08:00

the greatest blessing in my life now is my dad

i never got to really understand him, since i have always been quite different and distant from him but after working at his office and spending alot more time with him, i have respect and love for him like no other.

i am so impressed how rock solid he knows himself and his values
how he knows always knows what he has to do, and simply does it
the degree of organization he has, not just in work, but in his entire life, in his head
the huge sacrifice he makes for the people around him especially this family

he gives SO much to me, without any complain.
and i barely ever gave back
or was ever a very good son.
and its only lately i realized i have the most awesome dad

and im very inspired by him now to not simply be a whiny leech to this family or to others, to learn to love unconditionally like he does and to contribute.

2008-12-20T10:48:00.002+08:00

posting from batam.
totally forgot how beautiful this place is, the resort right nxt to the ocean and all
seeing Singapore in a distance
even at night, the red sky and distant city lights across the ocean is so gorgeous

anyway things are totally alright
this was easier than i thought haha

2008-12-18T09:12:00.002+08:00

The past few days have been in the office at work.
Thinking alot, listening to songs, blogging, msn. cuz theres some free time at work where i have nothing to do but these things.

And ive been thinking pretty sanely this time round
not really pushed around by the weather.

Had an awesome session and hang out with the crew on Monday

Talk and Tequila with kenny on Tuesday

Yesterday was good too, plus zoeys back! and got to talk to her after such a long time. and it was really great, even tough at parts damn messed up the conversation haha.

and Twilight later!

and ah, i like this song

Relient K - High of 75

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky
And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I

And now I'm sunny with a High
of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

2008-12-17T22:40:00.003+08:00

I love this song

It's hard, hard when you're here all alone
And everyone else has gone home
Harder to know right from wrong
When all objectivity's gone
And it's gone
But you still carry on

'cause you, you are the only one left
And you've got to clean up this mess
You know you'll end up like the rest
Bitter and twisted, unless
You stay strong and you carry on

It's hard but you know it's worth the fight
'cause you know you've got the truth on your side
When the accusations fly, hold tight
And don't be afraid of what they'll say
Who cares what cowards think, anyway
They will understand one day, one day.

2008-12-17T11:10:00.002+08:00

we cannot control what weather we are given
but we can bring around our own weather inside
and most often, change the weather outside,
for better or for worse.

change the world by first changing yourself

2008-12-16T20:11:00.002+08:00

on my way home i remembered this quote

"When i do obey, problems come, not between me and God, but as a means to keep my mind examining with amazement the revealed truth of God... Any problem that comes while i obey God increases my overjoyed delight, because i know that my Father knows and cares, and I can watch and anticipate how He will unravel my problems." Oswald Chambers

and everything was okay in an instant (:

2008-12-16T14:46:00.000+08:00

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

have faith in everything

2008-12-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

today was really awesome
everything has been perfect since i got back

work was fine today, feels good actually doing something
had breaking session after work which was awesome!
i deproved like shit tough and got damn tired just after a short while doing powers, but still feels awesome to break again.

the best part of today? every one was at the session, even song.
feels really nice seeing the whole family there, n we just sat down in a circle and talked, 10 of us.

anw
cheer up, im here for you always

2008-12-14T22:45:00.003+08:00

back from taiwan (:
the trip was okay only, but the long bus rides made me reflect alot

things have been getting better and better with everything, especially with myself and God
and im thinking back and really like the person i was 6 months ago, someone who actually lived passionately for the right reasons. so im really regretting choosing this path some time ago, cause its so hard to fight back up there even tough im trying hard.

but tonights qt made me know Gods really getting back involved and restricting me in my life and i will get back there (:

im happy with my circumstances of course, back in singapore, back with my friends and you (: things are great.

2008-12-11T19:45:00.004+08:00

posting from taiwan.

not the best trip ever.
but it made me alive again (:

sorry to those who i didnt tell i was away!

mind our own business, live our own lives
judge not for we are surely just as bad

2008-12-03T17:29:00.000+08:00

work is getting tougher, but more enjoyable
feeling just fine now (:

10

2008-12-02T17:25:00.003+08:00

4 days gone, 11 more to go

looking at that same picture, and that same last message
things have been a little difficult like i said, not really because of absence, but due to me losing myself completely, and now have to find my grounding as a person again

but today has been much better. working at my dads for a little income and experience, as well as to kill time. haha and i actually enjoy doing the mindless work, and kill me for saying i miss mugging and IAs a little bit.

not that empty anymore, just waiting

Les Jours Tristes

It's hard,
hard, not to sit on your hands,
burrow your head in the sand,
hard, not to make other plans
and claim that you've done all you can,
all alone
and life
must go on.

It's hard,
hard, to stand up for what's right
and bring home the bacon each night,
hard, not to break down and cry,
when every ideal that you tried
has been wrong.
But you must
carry on.

Ref:
It's hard,
but you know it's worth the fight,
cause you know you've got the truth on your side,
when the accusations fly.
Hold tight!
Don't be afraid of what they'll say.
Who cares what cowards think? Anyway,
They will understand some day,
some day.

2008-12-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

the first 3 days were a little difficult, 12 better ones to go!

2008-11-30T10:19:00.002+08:00

On 13nov i posted this
"exams end on monday. i am not going to havoc mode after that and repeat my past months all over again."

sadly that hasnt worked out very well, post exam madness did get to me, starting with 30 hours of fable 2 which started of my bum and party spree. followed by non stop activities day to night, zouk, dxo, bars, breaking, prom rehearsels, prom, arena, sleeping less than during my exam period.

and it sort of continued until prom and post prom ended, 2 weeks of non stop day to night playing with little sleep. until i can wake up on saturday morning with nothing to do and finally start to get a grip on life again. the partying was fun, but just a havoc phase.

going to start working for my dad starting tomorrow, start breaking again, start going back to God for the 1000 time

2008-11-29T10:12:00.003+08:00

prom was okay. post prom was insane. but dont really wanna blog much about it as it didnt really matter to me.

but some important things did happen, the dancers performed after practicing just 4 days which was really an achievement. thanks alot guys, i had an awesome time rehearsing like crazy with you people. especially thanks to calvin, for choreographing and teaching and leading the whole item, you are amazing. thanks yuanhao for keeping strong even after losing your wallet, i was impressed.

the usual bunch of us - nat lou jim bob me and charles booked a room at freaking six star fullerton which made the whole prom experience alot more fun actually. slacking n bumming and sleeping at 5, it was all awesome fun! thanks guys, esp nat for organizing it!

post prom at arena was an eyeopener, ib people can get pretty crazy (: it was quite mad and fun, but yet disgusting at points due to inappropriate behavior. the live band was amazing and they really could hype up the audience like crazy. and i had fun haha.

the past two days have been intense, there was only one thing on my mind
and now they have passed so fast and so well, and your not here either.
i can say i really enjoyed prom, but not because of prom itself. it was a last 2 days well spent.
and now the feelings bittersweet. sweet because now that i can be alone and think, i realized how far we have come over such a short time and what magic we have made.
and i really treasure that. and it makes me smile alot despite the bitter parts.

waiting desperately for mid December. but yet im not going to waste a day that your not here. ill get back on my feet and start living like its not just one big party. ill start caring about other things and not be simply desperately lost in this. ill start living like who i was before, so that when mid dec comes, everything will be even better.

2008-11-24T23:54:00.001+08:00

things are great and i cannot complain about anything at all, except me not putting in the weight to keep up my walk.

post IB is looking very bright indeed

2008-11-22T09:08:00.001+08:00

right now everythings perfect (:

and its up to me to keep it up

2008-11-20T22:29:00.001+08:00

i will get a grip. and live like i should

2008-11-16T20:54:00.003+08:00

GEOG SCREWED
not counting on a 7 anymore unless God graces me with all the questions i have studied for and an easy tourism question.

on the other hand in this rocky period ive been remindered of things most important. like being very careful of what i let into my head like the garbage of this world that easily kills my walk, and surrendering every thought to the obedience of Christ. and these things give me strength

2008-11-15T20:16:00.001+08:00

exams ending in 2 days

uncertain about whats after when i will have the freedom to chase after what i want

pls let us spark something

2008-11-13T21:25:00.002+08:00

just had a revelation on a problem i had since early this year that i have been struggling with, the problem between human strength and relying on God

after being very inspired by the idea of proactivity that i had the power to choose despite my circumstances, feelings and state, i quite blindly followed the idea of achieving things through human strength, identifying what means the most to me, and doing it, which ultimately lead to my very high points in my walk with God. and this idea went quite deeply into my heart as it really did work!

but then a sermon i heard directly countered whatever goodness i thought was in me, where it revealed all that was good in me was by God and his restriction and grace, that if i was totally devoid of his restriction, i would make hitler look like a saint.

so i was torn between totally relying on God for everything and trusting my strength in choice. and i have had an extreme up and down year in terms of my walk, maybe because i was relying on my strength too much.

i am now pretty convinced i have no power in me, after trying to live without God for a month or so, i realized that without God i do not have strength to make the right choices even after struggling with some for a really long time. and now only by His power have i been able to study for my exams well, and live my life a little less pathetically.

exams end on monday. i am not going to havoc mode after that and repeat my past months all over again.

2008-11-10T21:57:00.001+08:00

Exams have been okay, i have been distracted

I need the product of your fears
In the form of tears
It’s the only way I can survive
It breaks my heart to see you crying, baby
It’s the only way I'll stay alive
(Stay alive)
Green eyes, blue skies
Natural disasters when she cries
Green eyes, they’re mine
It’s only a matter of time

Time by Cute is what we aim for

2008-11-07T22:46:00.002+08:00

Math SL Paper 1 was dirt easy as expected but still made some careless mistakes
Didnt study at all today! haha just went with jim n pw to bobbies place for movie dinner cake and unglam camwhoring.

Relient K - Here I Go

Gotta make something happen
Not just sit around and wait for it
This place is like a prison
I think I'm going to make a break for it

Whoa, here I go
It's like we're living for the first time
Whoa, here I go
And I think that it's the first time I felt alive

2008-11-05T21:02:00.004+08:00

studying has been a million times better and so has every thing else. everything does fall in place when my walk does better.

and ive listened to cute is what we aim for's Rotation and Relient K's Birds and the Bee Sides like 10 times each album the past 2 days from studying i think i can memorize every song haha

sadly that is the most interesting thing i can think of. studying with bobbie jim pw nat lou all has been fun as always, studying at bobbies house = study fail = watch movie and nice food.

exam fever is really here now and it finally feels pretty big.

2 weeks to the end of everything

2 bloody weeks and ive got like no strength of my own to go on another few days

2008-11-02T18:20:00.003+08:00

mmm going back to God slowly

Relient K
Hope for every Fallen

Don't give up, it's not the end.
You'll get back on your feet again.
Forgivness can be given when you think it can,
Because with every passing second comes a second chance

Oh-oh-oh

'Cause with every passing second comes a second chance,
Take a good look at yourself and know,
You've got yourself a ways to go.
But difficult is not impossible,
You can take back all the lost control.
Take a good look at yourself and see,
You'll emerge eventually.
As long as your heart's not too far gone,
From the only thing that can save you from yourself...

Forgivness can be given when you think it can,
'cause with every passing second comes a second chance.

But don't give up, it's not the end.
There's hope for every fallen man,
To pick themselves up when they think they can,
Because with every passing second comes a second chance,

2008-10-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

blogging cause i cant sleep

im dying for ib to be over, everyone i know is in quite the holiday mood, prom mood, party mood and just wanting to start playing. want to play fable2, want prom, parties, BREAKING, prom performance practices and new hair colour.

but still gonna be studying damn hardcore and actually still pretty alive now although my walk with God isnt.

also, going in ns 9jan with jim n louis n et n charles n alot of others. NOT A COMMANDO which makes me think ns will be damn slack now, just take alot of lame shit thats all, at least the physical will be easy now. and quite looking forward to it actually, finding out whos probably gonna be in the same section and all, going in with mosty ac, rj n hc people.

studying with jim lou nat bobbie all has been really awesome fun, although it should be more productive. tomorrow will be.

2008-10-26T17:33:00.002+08:00

tasted my first actual bit of passion for quite a few weeks and i cant get enough of it. i realized i dont want things enough, thats why i simply cant be bothered to push myself at all.

i dont really want my 40 pts
dont really want to bboy well
or get fit
or keep contact with people important to me
or to know God and stay on the right path
dont want to give Him glory or really give up my own desires

but now i really dont want to continue chasing stupid desires, really dont want to continue wasting my own time and really want to want more, and i shall (:

2008-10-24T21:05:00.000+08:00

today was the most productive study session yet haha.

and yann tiersen is a bloody genius

2008-10-23T22:16:00.004+08:00

the past few days have been pretty fun, studying with nat bobbie jim lou in the library is awesome tough not horribly productive haha.

went out with candy on tues night which was fun, a nice catch up and talk

Today was the most lousy study day ever, but really freaking fun , with a bunch of year 6s having our own kfc october feast and going to the haunted house and me et jim lou scaring nat bobbie peiwen like shit. then finally crashing the real october fest for a short while. really fun night (:

2008-10-19T16:36:00.002+08:00

studying has been slightly better

miss breaking again

im sure ill do well when i start again (:

2008-10-16T15:55:00.003+08:00

edmund wants a 7 for geog chem math and 6 for english, but has not been studying.

more revelations that i have really no strength at all when i try to reply on myself, my own pro activity my own will. but all of my strength if i have any comes from God, and if my walk aint right, nothing goes right. even wordly success is impossible by my own power.

2008-10-13T22:33:00.003+08:00

today was fun, went to school to study with bobbie then had a really nice talk with kenny and hardly did work. felt sick and went home to sleep

had a random night out with my mum and brother which was awesome, dinner shopping and all (:

hmm and having pretty new and strange thoughts.

2008-10-12T17:48:00.006+08:00

life and running

just went for a run after not running since prelims, and died pretty quickly

realised when i dont have the full motivation and physical wellness, there is no way i can meet my targets. especially the will power, it is so much harder to stop the "lets stop now" thought when there is no psyche.

same with living, no psyche, no physic, no life

2008-10-11T14:19:00.006+08:00

have been ponning sch this whole week and simply slacking and bumming at home which has been awesome, a really nice break since i havent had one since prelims.

yesterdays outing was the best. met yh vic bobbie gunawan wes makmur at clark quay and yihang jaime lips later at fisherman wharf which was the best dinner ive had in ages, seriosly the food there is so much better than fish n co, with okay prices. the company was great too, really fun conversations and all.

then we took a nice long time figuring out where to go before getting to clinic to have 2 shots each (tks to yihangs 1 for 1) and wheel chair wheelies. moved t club iguana next but it was full so we went to yihangs mum's salon at holland v where his sister had friends over. The party there was totally insane, indian poker, lots of drinks, more shouting, dancing, and people getting wasted, was really fun haha.

awesome night! back to studying

2008-10-07T20:28:00.003+08:00

Art

My art journey just ended yesterday with my official art IB interview, which went amazingly well! the examiner was very supportive and encouraging so it was easy to talk non stop and actually excessively and running out of time haha.

Really missing art already and quite sad that its all over. I so wished i started work earlier and actually could have done so much more - not so much for the grade, but just for the joy of doing art and the feeling of accomplishment from creating something beautiful. (currently i have no problems sitting in the gallery space for half n hr straight just staring at my stuff)

But it had to end of course, but im still gonna spend all my time in the gallery to study and stuff haha. Already considering to sell some of my pieces, if possible at all haha, but of course keeping my fabourites on a wall at home =P

the past week(s) of art has been awesome, exciting, fun, tiring, painful, and tks all art ppl for the great experience tt we went through tgt (:

2008-10-06T21:33:00.001+08:00

having fun kinda haha

2008-10-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

seriously shit tired of my mundane living,
gonna start stepping out of my comfort zone, live the unusual haha

IB ART EXAM TOMORROW AHH

2008-09-29T00:01:00.001+08:00

Jesus looked at him and loved him. Then he told him, "You're missing one thing. Go and sell everything you own, give the money to the destitute, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come back and follow me." Mark 10:21

so so difficult to surrender all love for oneself, ambitions, desires, time, energy, but it is necessary to follow Him

2008-09-26T23:59:00.002+08:00

post prelims has been eventful, with hasan coming back, and council chalet and hang out at liu yi's and lots of drinking.

i will continue to stick to the knowledge that i suck more than i know, and i hardly do anything about it.

2008-09-21T21:59:00.001+08:00

haha i suck

2008-09-19T22:14:00.003+08:00

maybe its just exam stress but ive been working relatively harder than usual.

which really makes me regret my laziness and slothfulness the past 2 IB years

could have done 30 art pieces instead of the 12 i have now, i enjoy art like crazy now, but only by this ending month.

could have done a hell lot more for council, and actually do something about the shit in school

could have done an awesome job on EE and TOK and secure 3 pts

could have owned all my ias

could have enjoyed school life so much more

now that everything is ending and i cant do everything again better, im really starting to ponder on what i can do better now to not regret it 2 years from now

Walk with God, so much more passionately and responsibly, for without walking with Him, life is absurd and stupid

Get at least 40 points for IB by working my ass off the next month

Cherish my friends, which i havent done for quite awhile

Start running, working out, swimming to prepare for NS ( i dont wanna die at hendon camp )

Tahan commandos, learn much from it

Go for architecture course (probably) and do my best there

Ive grown somewhat this week, thanks to more revelations by God to how absurd, sinful and evil my life can be sometimes or most of the time, and reminding me and revealing more of His act of grace 2000 years ago. Makes me not care about this world. God is holy, im a worm

2008-09-17T20:45:00.002+08:00

getting little stressed by the upcoming IB art exam, which i must finish all work by 2nd October

which is a week after prelims

and i like working hard haha. ran 3.2 today

2008-09-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

just ran 10km =D

2008-09-16T19:34:00.002+08:00

todays was hard

haha seldom hit the opposite extreme of laziness but should have realized human limitations.

super over burnt from studying and its sucks to flunk a paper that i studied so hard for, but whatever.

just too many bad things today and im too tired, time to take a pause haha

2008-09-14T21:38:00.003+08:00

more revelations; never felt so much strength in my life

whatever im doing, no matter how hard things are, or how hard i push myself, its nothing.

thinking about how God reveals more and more to us, making us grow in ways i did not know about before,

and how comparatively my own strength is really so small and so weak, comparatively even to other people, how insanely hard Olympic athletes train and push themselves to be the best among 6 billion people, the huge passion in missionaries going all out of their way to the deepest jungles, the huge faith of Mother Theresa who died for others.

and Gods strength is so immense i do not even understand it enough to say anything about it.

and here i am thinking this petty IB life is hard, this little stress in this protected environment is tough, thinking living like that is enough.

this is nothing. all i am and do is nothing.

2008-09-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

its cool how i can get bitter about something, and realize its one of Gods test to make me grow, and be so overjoyed a second later.

and its hard to follow my values and goals without faltering when so often something comes along that just seems and feels more important. im pretty weak

on a side note im just extremely grateful for the latenight study company which has been really awesome thanks zephy kenny jiayi lucy vic yuanhao cliff

oh and i flunked chem paper 1 and owned the shit out of paper 2. yay

2008-09-10T21:47:00.001+08:00

papers have been not bad so far, probably the first time i feel confident about english and i am so happy i studied for paper 2!!!

been feeling happier, been walking closer (:

2008-09-07T16:48:00.002+08:00

spent everyday 8am - 10pm in school the past week mugging away, paperball fights, glow stick ring frisbee, popping waving, eating butter pork at wa chee.

and wall-e was the best ever (:

time just flew by and it 1 day to prelims when im only 50% through studying and still have art to do for IB art exam just one week after prelims, yay.

but this week was just pretty awesome. tks guys.

2008-09-02T08:28:00.000+08:00

I remember
We were walking up to strawberry swing
I can't wait until the morning
Wouldn't wanna change a thing

People moving all the time
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna curve away?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without You it's a waste of time

Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without You it’s a waste of time

Could be blue,
could be grey
without You I’m just miles away

could be blue
I don’t mind
Without You it’s a waste of time

2008-08-31T21:38:00.001+08:00

see you

2008-08-30T10:07:00.002+08:00

Dance Farewell Party

Teachers Day Peformance was no sweat at all, almost no nervousness nor screw ups which was awesome (: probably our most coordinated duet ever done haha. But it was over soo fast it didnt even feel like a performance. The juniors item was awesome! seriously good job people, really proud of you guys.

JiaYi's mum fetched after that home and Kevin Man Slut came along to crash at my place haha. finished my geog ia (NO MORE IAS) and we went off to vivo to meet some people then sentosa!

I swear i love these insane parties sooo much. Fish was the first one to get dunked at the beach, then i got pulled in after, den everyone was just making sure everyone was wet which was superrr funny. The food and preparation was awesome, with a super nice candled heart done my the juniors on the sand, and food, drinks, chips and all. the party continued to be damn high as people were drinking pure out of the bottles haha and fish puked! ended up not even being able to stand up at the end of the day and walk n ginny n others had to help alot, tks guys haha. but really enjoyed this farewell party & it was a nice way to bond to dance even further, and got to talk to Kevin n Jiayi.

More parties to come.

2008-08-27T22:58:00.002+08:00

Enjoying chionging art like crazy
Enjoying staying till 10pm in school mugging
Enjoying the company of friends so much
Enjoying the close walk with God

wish i had more time - cant finish my work even when working 12 hours a day
need a miracle

2008-08-25T23:43:00.003+08:00

Just had a pretty awesome birthday

Thank You Kenny Jiayi Cheryl Xinfu Dalton Asher Cuitian Valencia Weijie Dkoh Michelle Shaggy for the midnight wishes (:

Alyssha Eryn Rachel Jeanette Elizabeth Christine Gareth for the birthday song in the sac although it was pretty embarrassing!

And Jim Cielo Cheryl ChunWui SongYeong for the birthday song too

Thanks to everyone who wishes me in school (: sorry i cant remember who

THANK YOU SO MUCH dance juniors for the card (and tao pok?) seriously it was such a sweet surprise thanks so much!

Most of all thank you people who put letters into the "Edmund's Stuff" box i got, as well as other letters which meant the world to me and really made my day (:

Kenny- Wah ur damn bad even on my birthday haha. Your letter meant alot, n really brought back memories (:
Zephy - Your cheapskate note was hilarious, but tks alot for the encouragement
Sarina - omg thank you for all the effort into your letter when you could have been studying haha! its damn nice, and now i know how the male reproductive organ works.
Mish - Tks for the sweet and encourage note, and not making me an iron man suit, and for not wanting a lumbo when we are 30 :D
Ama - Really glad to have you as our dance cap too haha (: will go for classes
LiuYi- wow thanks for the really long and meaningful letter and all the encouragement, meant alot.
Song - i just died laughing at your letter it was so you, but thanks alot (:
JiaYi You make the nicest card ever lah! tks for all the hardwork in it, will be a card ill keep for bloody long haha
Yuanhao your gift is so freaking awesome its going on my table top, tks so much (:
Valencia - yeah just thanks for the letter (: things are cool

Spent the night with Zoey, whos leaving to shanghai on Sunday.
Thanks for making the birthday night damn awesome (:

2008-08-24T13:11:00.002+08:00

alive again, after weeks of rebellion
and giving all my thoughts and desires to satan.
by Gods grace im pulled back and feeling alot more alive
a day with God is really better than a thousand elsewhere
seemingly awesome events have left me empty but just an hour praying has given so much joy

first time at cell ytd was good (: too bad missed service today

feels like i owe alot to my friends the past few weeks
and tons to God

so much work now, and im looking forward to doing it, and going to school, and talking to people haha

2008-08-22T16:38:00.003+08:00

my art

"take off that face, your just as rotten as me"

there are no great men,
there is no fraction of righteousness in us if God should judge
so put down your disgusting self-righteousness
and hope only in that one thing

2008-08-21T22:17:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Ama!!! Our awesome dance captain (:

the party was awesome, and mambo totally insane haha.

2008-08-17T21:49:00.001+08:00

wow, pretty much wasted 2 weeks of my life

so many awesome things happened these 2 weeks

foa, ending of ioc, awesome study sessions, hanging out with dancers, council dinner.

not saying all these events and people didnt mean much, but life far from God is really not worth living, meaningless, useless.

but God pulls,
back to fighting

2008-08-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

The most amazing song by FLYLEAF

So I thought

Choris Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Choris Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

2008-08-08T23:22:00.001+08:00

In love with dance
Can't wait to go back to training

2008-08-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

Dance

Calvins horrible sarcasm and forver emo look.

Amas spastic random acts and horrible retardedness

Cheryls slowness, blurness and friendliness

Sarinas violent tendencies and bimboness

Mishs whining and cute voice

Lucy's funny awkward smile/pout and suaning

Fish's eternal gayness and mirror humping

Yuanhao's "myballsarehairy"

Asahi's gentleness and buffness at the same time

Jia Yi's retardedness and cuteness

Kevin Lim being a man slut

Nat the sexy beast

Chris always breaking

Chloe's baby freeze failure

Elizabeth being shorter than me

Clarrisa's passion

Hyung's hyperness and retardedness

Mandy's blur face

Ginny the gangsta

And so many others

Love it all, miss it all

2008-08-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

this is how God pulls me to Him, Violently

2008-08-02T16:49:00.008+08:00

Having horrible withdrawal symptoms now, that Dance FOA has ended.

A week of nothing. Not a care about our work. A break from our insane IB lives. Just to dance away, to sweat it, to get scolded, to tire and hurt and love it because our peformance is getting better, just to be with friends for a whole week, not caring about other things.

And the day itself was nothing short of magical. The excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, emotion, great frienship, human touch, and the passion of the whole club. The peformance that went totally clock work, went perfect, went naturally, went with so much hype, so much expression, so much emotion.

The after-production, with the congratulations and touch of friends, of fellow dancers, the support of people was just tear worthy. The afterparty, which is too illegal to mention, just ended everything with a huge bang.

and everything ended like that.

the hardest part is waking up the next morning and knowing its all over.

2008-07-31T09:53:00.004+08:00

Been pretty distracted this week, coming home dead tired everyday at 9+ due to dance FOA training and not praying.

Life apart from God is just pure crap.

All in the experience.

Dance FOA this friday, and its back to my moutain of work and studying. FOA preperation has been awesome, gonna miss dance so bad.

The most awesome duet ive ever seen

2008-07-27T20:36:00.002+08:00

Still learning and growing graducally but steadily as I learn who God is all over again

Wanted to blog about all the 'fun' things this week, but i realised it doesn't mean anything to me.

Every moment loving something else besides God is just emptiness and is sin and is wasted.

Every moment with God is full

Love my friends
Love church (:

2008-07-24T20:52:00.002+08:00

Never have i known my sin so well as well as how much sin there is in this world.
People are evil.
Even for Christians, it is foolish to say one did not sin at all, for just one day.
I have sinned so much i barely understand how much ive sinned.

My "best", my "fullest" love for God is trash and He deserves infinitely more from me, or anyone else.

But this compells me to seek Him more, a little less pathetically because I have begun to understand His grace because i have seen my sin.

Anyway today i have witnessesd just how immature i still am and i am totally in awe on catching a glimpse of the character of someone 40 years more mature in Christ, and has humbled me.

2008-07-20T18:20:00.003+08:00

Despite a whole week of sickness which killed me for a day or two, everythings just been getting better and better.

Been thinking alot and growing alot this week, probably due to considering my future paths.

Yesterday's bboy session was great, nice to see Shaggy again haha (: outing with Jt, Jyong, Jwong, Yh, Xf, Jaime, Sharry, Weijie was awesome haha, the movie was great too. Everyone should watch BatMan

I think today was more awesome. Breakfast with Mum n Dad was nice (: den got fetched to Mishs place den to church. God spoke to me through service, and i knew i had to connect to this new church even if it was uncomfortable. Thanks Tim Seow for the invite to CGs and stuff (:

Went home and downloaded this random sermon to listen to and it just had the greatest impact on me and i think will change the way i treat my walk with God from now on.

Its funny how it takes so long to learn and relearn and relearn how to Love God. Well, im glad to be living out as He would want me to abit better than i used to.

God uses small, broken people for His work, not great men. There are no great men.

Pics from the past weeks below (:

2008-07-20T15:12:00.000+08:00

Kyensai Night Out
19 July Saturday

2008-07-20T15:10:00.000+08:00

Monday 14 July Night

2008-07-20T15:07:00.000+08:00

12 June Saturday Outing

2008-07-20T15:06:00.000+08:00

Study Time (:

2008-07-19T14:08:00.004+08:00

im gonna be a pilot (: (or try anyway)

past few days havent been that good cause of sickness, which made me pretty much unable to do my work as usual or live as i would like to. but thank God im getting better at least haha.

just had an awesome bacardi destress night yesterday.

Friday 18 july

Had one hour of school and den free period all the way, where i slept in the library for 1+ hour on chairs after taking panadols haha (tks kenny)

Dance training after school was awesome, jennifer came to continue teaching the duet to the 8 of us, which was super tough but really fun.

Chris Cliff Nat Yuanhao had Battle of the Bands Performance after that, hope it went well!

Went with Sarina to meet Kenny (who was sleeping) and Zephy at the astro and went for dinner, which was really awesome. havent had and outing with them in 2 weeks, so really enjoyed myself haha (:

We took the bacardi and drinks down and started. Mish came at 9, and i called Carol down to join us to. The rest of the drinking night was just super fun, (altough i was like suan victim for the night and even Carol joined in) But yeah it was really awesome, the company was great (:

Girls left at like 11. Kenny n Zephy pushed me into the pool shower, but i got kenny back awhile after haha, so we all went up soaking. The rest of the night wasnt much cuz we were just pretty stoned haha.

I love friday night events!

Bboy Session and Dark Knight later wahaha

2008-07-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

Haha Havent blogged in ages so im not gonna catch up on what happened the past few weeks cause like a million things happened haha, just some pictures of the past few weeks, studying, friends, everything (:

Things have been really awesome lately, i feel like a totally different person

2008-07-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

2008-07-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

2008-07-09T14:48:00.000+08:00

"Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on help me stand.
I am tired, I am weak I am worn.
Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to your light.
Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on."

2008-06-16T19:29:00.002+08:00

My hope is in the Lord
My stability is in the Lord
My joy is in the Lord

Im glad for these experiences that has really increased my faith, and even though things dont look that bright now, im sure God will use all this for the better as long as i continue trusting.

2008-06-06T10:03:00.006+08:00

haha things have been great lately, more or less returned to my usual self, working hard, enjoying my friends and a spiritual life.

This was dance week, having trainings on monday tuesday and thursday which have been fun mostly, getting at least one choreography down perfectly feels nice. Besides that ive been half playing half studying this week haha.

Monday after dance, went to vivo with kenny liu yi sarina n mish to watch narnia! I totally love the movie, super nice action scenes and really has an epic feel to it - altough it lacks nice character development or a deep plot, but cant expect the best of both worlds. I also had like a million blibical themes in it (C.S Lewis haha) so it was fun pointing them out and it was nice seeing someone working for the Lord.

We all went for subway and shopping after that, having really retarded fun, the girls were bullying like crazy cuz i kept saying wrong things and even ended with a slap on the face by sarina ):

Well, it wasnt over for the guys, we went liu's place to try n study, and we did study for a good one half hour or so haha. The thing is he opened Absolut for us haha, and we drank quite abit, and talked and stuff then and i just crashed in his house.

Tuesday had quite a bad hangover and still had to go for dance -.o dance was tiring and i was like some stone king, but at least we finished lovestoned (lol) . Went to macs at night with sharry and actually studied almost all of organic chem, only leaving macs at 12am.

Wednesday WAS SO RETARDED! Breaking in the aftern with almost all of kyensai + some of bakau rockers was alright, nice to session with them. Went home to shower and bathe to get ready for DND PARTY at bobbies place. shit i had NO idea where novena was - i thought it was like on the green mrt line or something, i didnt know it was on the other side of the universe so it took me a good 2 hours to get there. at least the party was good =D

Lex, Dkoh, Bobbie, Deb, Cielo, Jiahe, Kyle, Liu were there and randomly Jit n Jin, non dnders crashed. Food was really awesome, pasta and all, and mango pudding, tks bobbies mum! They were guitar heroing the whole night, liu yi owning everyone, and i played my 1st 4 times that night haha. I took out the big bottle of Absolut and we started drinking again. everyone was alright lah, dkoh went RED like crazy =D We started getting retarded when bobbie lent jit her laptop and we messed like crazy with each others msn saying weird stuff to each others friends and we were all really high and stuff, but jit died the worse haha. Yeah great party (:

Thursday after dance studied with kenny and mish at jurong library, studied quite abit and it was retarded fun again haha. we were studying well then SOMEBODY suggested going macs, and i was hungry so we went to buy food, and ended up unable to study that much there haha.

Mish left before dinner and kenny came to my place to eat, then we studied for a short while before totally dieing. Then our conversation was abit like "do u have booze in your house? (randomly)" "er i dont think so" "hey why dont we go out n buy something" "711?" "no money man" "beer?" "k lah set, anything"
So we went out to 711 LOL met sharry on the way who came with us. Bought 2 corona bottles and walked to jec and found tables to sit n talk for about 45mins which was nice and fun. After kenny left, me and sharry ended up going back and staying at the pool talking like old times which was nice, since i havent talked to her like that since before her WOW.

This weeks been great so far. Good circumstances and great company aside, ive been doing better mentally and spiritually, knowing whats important to me and doing it. Well i still have to fight on, which means sometiems saying no to the things that feel so right or i know ill go down again.

2008-05-31T18:27:00.001+08:00

Praise the Lord for He comforts at ones lowest

Nothing shall shake me

2008-05-30T11:37:00.000+08:00

haha yesterday was good

happy birthday mish